Friday, January 15, 2010

Time to kick my own ass

I recently came across my old friend's blog The Diary of a Man Sometimes Lost. Adam and I went to high school together. He was always the guy doing his own thing, not caring what anybody thought (in high school that in itself shows what a huge person he is). He would rally crowds people to try and fit into the ancient Ford Fairlane (it fit a lot of people, 17?), jump into the pool with his clothes on, and give high fives in the hallways. He's one of those amazing people that has the ability to make anybody feel good- great even- for being just who they are. So knowing Adam, and knowing that everything he writes about comes from a good place, his most recent post opened my eyes to some hard ugly truths. Go read it, then come back, and read the rest of this. Here is the link again, just to make it easier for ya!
So on the issue of telling your friends the truth and having them return the favor: nobody told me how lame it is that I haven't updated my etsy store in.... how long? Nobody said anything about all of the incomplete projects I have laying around. No one even hinted that much of what I've been doing lately has been half-assed. Of course I have my reasons and excuses, but after whining about those I still have an empty etsy store, no new projects, and this yucky feeling that comes with me not doing my best. I haven't been doing my best in life either. I've let relationships slide, I've neglected my body, and I've been taking the easy road every time I'm given the choice.

Telling the truth can be hard and scary, especially if it's to someone you care about. And telling the truth can hurt. And man, when I'm called out sometimes horrible human things come out of the closet to play- Shame, embarrassment, defensiveness... Usually the worst part is that I didn't see it, I wasn't truthful with myself. I got lost in the excuses, the fear, the denial. But no more. I've looked in the mirror and told myself the truth: It is time to make new work, take care of my etsy store, finish projects. It's time I start submitting work and actually get to a place where I can support myself with my art. I need to get back into yoga, running, walking, riding my bike, and all those great active things that I truly enjoy doing. I need to call all the people I love and tell them so. I need to finish painting my kitchen.
It is time to kick my own ass.
Thanks Adam, for being a friend and helping me to see my ugly truths.
And now I'll be your friend too- What ugly truths have you been hiding from?

1 comment:

AdamTrap said...

Hey, I know that guy!

As for ugly truths that I hide from, there's not enough room here to write them all! I will say though, that I've been working really hard lately at getting back to the "real" me (not the persona), and it feels good. I've got a long way to go though.

I promise that if you ever show me a project that you've done that isn't up to par, I'll do my best to tell you I think you can do better.

And then I'll step back and try to avoid the slap.